there was a trapeze. enough said
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
