I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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