Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
