You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
