This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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