I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
