I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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