The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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