1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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