some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
