Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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