I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
