we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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