i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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