Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
