Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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