She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
