his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
