1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
how does that bad decision feel?
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