I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
