Why is your signature on my underwear?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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