I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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