As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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