The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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