remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
