That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
