Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
