Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
two words: eviction party
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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