I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
