why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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