it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
