so that wasnt chicken after all
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
