Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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