ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
