i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
