somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
