yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
