He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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