Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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