pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
