and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so much tequila, so little girl.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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