I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
