the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
