I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
