I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
