Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
