You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
