we're blogging at a bar
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
