you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
