he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
