Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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