when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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