Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
